the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
