BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
