i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
