the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
