xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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