Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
