GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
