It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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