He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
