hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
