I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
