Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
