Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
