How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
