Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
