i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
