everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
