you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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