I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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