just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
