i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
