did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
