I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
