i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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