You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
