They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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