I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
