Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
