Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
