I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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