He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
