Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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