Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
