the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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