Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
