Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
