i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
