Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
