I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
