Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
