Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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