You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
