wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
