She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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