I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
