I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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