is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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