my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
