I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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