i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
my poor anus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
