I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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