also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
