i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
nutella sex= disaster
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
