Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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